


Right Said Fred

by Prochytes



Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Filk, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-05
Updated: 2011-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-26 23:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/288903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prochytes/pseuds/Prochytes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Time Crash, and neither of the guilty Doctors is in the Control Room to sort it out. Fortunately, their Companions manage to muddle through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right Said Fred

**Author's Note:**

> No spoilers. To the tune of the eponymous song. The bit of Latin which Romana directs at Rory means, approximately: “Back off, soldier; this isn’t the army.” Originally written and posted for Day Two of consci_fan_mo on LJ in 2011.

“Right,” said Fred,  
“Just a dash of sonic  
On the console; shouldn’t take a mo.”  
She tried sonic;  
We tried gin and tonic.  
We were getting nowhere,  
And so  
She  
Had a cup of tea, and  
“Right,” said Fred,  
“Stabilize dimensions!”  
Grabbed some levers; pulled them to and fro.  
Floor got frisky  
(Amy spilt her whisky).  
We were getting nowhere,  
And so  
She  
Had a cup of tea, and    
Amy had a think, and she said that Fred  
Should try to smooch the TARDIS:  
“’Cos, honestly, how hard is  
Getting her unscrewed  
When her pilot’s being lewd?”  
“Oh,  
Right,” said Fred,  
“Time to lick the console.  
Doctor does that, cheeky so-and-so.”  
Licked it; tongued it;  
Quite the glossal pundit.  
Should have got us somewhere, but no!  
So, Fred said: “Let's have another cup of tea.”  
And we said:  
“Right-o.”  
   
“Oh,  
Right,” said Fred,  
“Now I need a leg up.  
 _Cede, miles_ ; _non est legio_.”  
Mounted Amy  
(Were they trying to slay me?).  
We were getting nowhere,  
And so  
She  
Had a cup of tea, and  
“Right,” said Fred,  
“There’s the ceiling couplings.  
Amy, full stretch!  
High as you can go!”  
I begged pardon  
(rather blatant hard-on).  
We were getting nowhere,  
And so  
She  
Had a cup of tea, and    
Amy had a think, and she said: “Look, Fred,  
We need to tempt the Vortex  
With messy, sweaty floor-sex.  
With a bang or two, we can see the matter through.”  
“Oh,  
Right,” said Fred,  
Easing off my trousers,  
Stroking Amy to a rosy glow.  
Clap of thunder!  
TARDISes asunder  
Quenched our last scintilla of doubt.  
So Amy and me  
Had another cup of tea and then we  
Passed out. 

FINIS.  



End file.
